Gratitude Day 14 - Elisha Roberts

Just about a year ago, I was at Second Friday, a monthly gathering for gay ladies who are, or who try to be, fancy.  I was there with a couple of friends, and there was a lady staring me down.  Nikki said, "Kate, that woman keeps looking at you."  "Yeah, and she's cute," added Heather.  So I looked back.  We both started at each other for about five minutes.  Sure, we were both super fine, but there was more to it.  We KNEW each other.  We just didn't know how.

After those awkward few minutes, she walked over to me as my friends tried to keep a straight face.  "Do I know you?" we both asked.  We spent five more minutes trying to figure out why we seemed so familiar to the other.  High school?  TFA?  Camp? (My friends still make fun of me for asking about camp.  They clearly never went to camp.)

Finally, we figured out that we had both attended Occidental College, were both in education, and were both mentored by the same fabulous professor.  The similarities stopped there, however.  I was a charter school principal in training.  She was a union representative public school teacher.  I did TFA. She definitely did not.  Her friends worked at North High.  My school was trying to move into an old wing of North High.  Then.  THEN.  She talked crap about Charlie's on facebook.

WHO WAS THIS LADY????

Well, this was Elisha Roberts.  Over the next several months, as I obnoxiously posted about how much I loved my job on facebook, and she posted less than stellar reviews of her life at MLK, we had a few conversations about education.  And then one day she popped the question.  "Are you hiring?"

I was skeptical at first.  We both were.  Could she reconcile her educational philosophy with the charter world?  Would she be able to wrap her brain around all STRIVE Prep had to offer?

But thank God she applied, and thank God she had such an outstanding reference.  I got an excuse to call my friend Mary who told me we wouldn't be best friends, and that we would be a really good match.

She couldn't have been more right.  Elisha is my work wife, my other half, my wing-woman, and just plain awesome at her job.  She is disciplinarian, detective, motivator, teacher coach, data magician, and incredibly positive influence on our students.  Listening to her drop some "Slaves died so you could go to school" science on Mariah B. the other day gave me goosebumps.  Plus she's funny as hell.

Elisha constantly catches things that I've let fall through the cracks.  Things I'm too overwhelmed to do, oh, like PLAN ANY EVENTS OUTSIDE THE SCHOOL DAY, she's on it.  Want to see a play?  Do a ropes course?  Have a dance?  Start recycling?  Elisha's your girl.

And she's so supportive.  If I've had a bad week, or a bad day, or a bad minute, she's the first one there telling me I'm doing a great job as a first-year principal, and that she's glad to be part of my team.  And she says it in such a way that I actually BELIEVE her!

I can't tell you how tired I would be without Elisha here.  What I can tell you is this school wouldn't be half the place it is without her.  So today, I'm grateful for Elisha Roberts.  She IS STRIVE Prep Excel, and we are so blessed to have her.

Gratitude Day 13 - Karen and Therapy

I struggle with depression.  There it is.  For everyone to see.  It has taken me four years to say those words.  In 2010, it got really bad.  Like, about as bad as these things can get.  And I was so fortunate that a few months before it got really bad, I made a stupid choice, which made Kelly think I needed therapy, which made me go to Karen.  Today I am a living, functioning member of society thanks to the support of a lot of people.  Especially Karen.

Karen is a lot of things: funny, brilliant, Dana Scully look-alike.  Because of these things, we connected immediately.  At times I thought she was my friend, my mother, my girlfriend, Dana Scully...  All of the transferences, I had them.  Every couple of weeks I would say to Karen, "I'm cured!" and pretend like I was done seeing her.  I think I made this comic 6-weeks in.  That's me...with the cape...cured...

She would ask me lots of good questions and make sure before I left that I knew that I was not, in fact, cured.  Then I'd come back the next Tuesday at 5:15.

Karen helped me learn that I am quite the catch.  And we had to dig through a big pile of packed down shit to find that version of me.

I can't quite remember who came up with it, probably Karen since she's so smart.  Anyway, we came up with the whole lily pad metaphor on which my life philosophy is based.

After three years of looking out her beautiful top floor Dupont Circle office window, I was a lot better.  And I was moving to Denver and I wasn't done with therapy yet.  So Karen did something difficult.  I mean, it was definitely difficult for me, and I like to *think* it wasn't super easy for her.  She cut me off.  Not before she helped me find Meredith, however.  And my work with Meredith out in Denver has been so different, and so valuable.

So today, I'm grateful to be alive, I'm grateful for Karen, and I'm grateful for therapy.  And I HOPE Karen is grateful for all those cookies.

Gratitude Day 12 - Health Care

Tonight I had a regular appointment with one of my health care providers.  He is the most thorough doctor type I have ever worked with.  He asked questions about EVERYTHING.  Then he assigned labs.  And I feel GREAT!  What kind of doctor checks out everything when you feel great?

I've been blessed to have excellent health care since I was in the womb, and I think I sometimes take for granted the quality and quantity I get because of my relationships and my excellent insurance.

So tonight I feel grateful that I have the resources I need to get and STAY healthy.

Gratitude Day 11 - The Unexpected

I'm a planner.  Big time.  I like to know what is happening, to the minute, at least a week ahead of time.  I didn't used to be this way.  I think it all started when I began teaching.  In education, nothing ever goes as planned.  I always plan a little bit longer than I need for everything.  That way I can fit in a crisis every couple hours.  It's my secret to being a principal AND getting 8 hours of sleep a night.

So you would think that as a planner, the unexpected would be my nemesis.  And while I've always thought it would be cool to actually have a nemesis, I can't claim this one.  Because, no matter how hard I try to avoid it, the unexpected often turns out to be just what I need.

Almost a year ago, what was supposed to be a first date turned out to be an introduction to the Cowboy Cha Cha, snowshoeing, and a church home (Unexpected hat trick #1!)

Two weeks ago, as a result of cultivating church friendships, what was supposed to be the first night of a sabbatical from the world of dating turned out to be an evening full of yard games, a gigantic cookie, and a week of butterflies (Unexpected hat trick #2!).

Today, what was supposed to be a quick walk around the lake with the pretty girl of yard games fame turned into lunch at my favorite restaurant, an important conversation about expectations, and a viewing of the first episode of Orange is the New Black (Unexpected hat trick #3!).

And here's the deal.  I have NO idea what to expect next from this series of events.  And I'm ok with that. Because sometimes, the unexpected is better than anything we could have planned.

Gratitude Day 10 - Jenny and Grace

This week was a rough one for me, for my missing then found student, and for my pastor Jenny.  Each of us felt like somehow we had missed the Grace train, that bad things were happening, and we were angry and sad.  Today at church, Jenny taught about Grace.  Grace, she said, is God.  You can't separate the two. Grace is everywhere -- in our past, in our present, and in our future.  And the most important thing I learned today is that God is operating on a time arc that we can't understand.  It is hard to see Grace in the moment, when bad things are happening to the best of people, and we lose sight of God's timeline.

As I listened to the sermon, I thought of all the ways, large and small, that Grace has touched me through my life.  This gratitude blog highlights many of them, and today I'm inspired to list the most compelling instances of Grace intruding lovingly into my life.

Grace is:

Aiden climbing his first playset and sliding down by himself;
the spirit of Coach John and Erica pushing me through your first triathlon;
the look on my face the first time I glimpsed the Grand Canyon, and the look on my dad's face as he watched;
wishing I could get a date with a cute girl at Charlie's, and getting a church home and a renewed commitment to faith instead;
my mom saying only, "And?" when I told her I am gay, affirming who I am, and who I've been all this time;
my student coming home hours after we post the flyers;
Amanda getting the ambulance to my house from hundreds of miles away;
and God's voice at the lily pad pond, telling me to go on.

Today I am thankful for Grace, and to Jenny for helping me find it every day.

Gratitude Day 9 - Country, Coco, and Charlie's

I definitely had a country music phase.  I moved to Mississippi after graduation in 2003, and met Sylvie.  I timidly stuck my toe into the country scene with a free Dixie Chicks concert provided by our new landlady.  We had such a blast at the concert, I thought there might be room in my heart for this genre.

Then Sylvie slipped me the double live Garth Brooks CD and my mind was blown.  His crystal clear voice with the completely controlled and expertly employed twang propelled me up and down the highways of the delta for two years.  And then there were more and more songs and artists.  Songs about heartache and making up and drinking beer.  Good stuff.

I left the delta in 2005 and my love of country music waned - Until last November when I discovered Charlie's.

I had just met a new group of ladies at Heather's pumpkin party, and that evening they decided they would continue the party at Charlie's to celebrate Poe and Shawnalea's engagement.  I walked in and couldn't believe my eyes.  It was a gay country bar!  I got a drink, pulled up a stool on the rail along the dance floor, and just watched.

The people watching was unlike anything I've experienced before or since.  There were two men, 60-years-old, untold stories of the pain of being gay and loving country music for the last 40 years, dancing together for hours.  There were drag queens in decidedly not rugged attire sipping cocktails in the corner.  And there were so many cute girls with snazzy gay haircuts I didn't know what to do.

And then...out of nowhere...the fiery intro of Garth Brooks' Callin' Baton Rouge came on.  I hadn't heard this song in probably eight years, and I was instantly filled with joy.  Heather, who grew up near Baton Rouge, grabbed my hand and took me out for my first real two step. And I never looked back.

I have met so many friends at Charlie's, worked up so many sweats as I get spun around the dance floor, and learned what it means to be part of a different type of community.  Everyone dances differently.  Malorie gets lost in the music and transcends her tiny frame to lead you around the floor.  Danielle makes you feel like a ballroom dancer.  And no one dances like Coco.  She taught me everything I know and encouraged me to dance with other strangers.

So this morning, after a glorious night spent dancing with a pretty lady, I'm grateful for Charlie's.  And I'm grateful to Coco, the Dance Machine, for helping me find my stomp.

Gratitude Day 8 - Aiden

There was a time I thought I had the best family in the world.  Here we are:

Then I found out we weren't as good as we thought we were.  I discovered this when Aiden arrived.  Here he is:

He makes us all better.  He likes the moon, cats, and bath time.  I mean, how could you not love someone with such impeccable taste.

Whenever we FaceTime, he says cat in sign language and makes a kitty cat sound.  He thinks I am a cat lady.  When he gets older, I will explain to him that you're not really a cat lady until you have 3 cats.

His laugh shoots joy right into the pit of my belly, filling up all the crevices in my body that have residual, gunky badness leftover from the day.

Thank you Aiden.  You are joy.