Gratitude Day 7 - Gene

Few people know exactly the right thing to say at the darkest moments.  Some people have a knack for saying exactly the wrong thing nearly all the time.  Gene Pinkard has a special gift: using his bitingly sarcastic sense of humor, he says things that seem absolutely ridiculous at the time, and moments or years later end up making sense of difficult circumstances.

When I was 25, I was a physics teacher at Maya Angelou under the best principal I had ever met. Here we are at Six Flags with my students learning about acceleration on roller coasters.  This was the day I really started to think about becoming a principal, and I grilled Gene about the process and what he loved about the job.

The next spring Gene was moving on after two years as my principal, and I was devastated.  He put together a transition team to lead the school the summer of his departure while they looked for a suitable replacement.  Knowing my passion for school leadership, I thought I would be an obvious part of the team.  Instead, Gene crushed my soul further by not asking me to take part.  I couldn't believe it.  How dare he not recognize my leadership abilities and passion for education!  I didn't talk to him for weeks.

Somehow he tricked me into riding with him to graduation, and he asked me why I was mad at him.  I started to cry (which he was used to), and explained that I felt short changed and my feelings were hurt by his decision.  To this he replied, "Well, that's why you're not on the team.  If you get bent out of shape by this, you're not ready for administration."

Ouch.

As principal (and principal in training) I have thought back so many times to that conversation as we wove through the streets of southeast DC.  I reflect proudly, amazed that some recent happening that would have sent the old Kate crying to her mother just bounced right off.  Gene's words five years ago helped me build thicker skin.  I'd be a pretty shitty principal without it.

In the last week alone, I have reached out to Gene twice to remind me that, unlike five years ago, I can really handle this.  In fact, the exact text message I sent on Monday said, "Tell me to quit crying and grow a pair."  His reply?  "Don't be a punk."

Then something scary happened in my community, and I called him again last night.  After relaying the details of the situation and the safety plan we had determined for our school, I wanted Gene to tell me I was overreacting and it was no big deal.  I wanted him to comfort me, to tell me I didn't know what scary was, being out in the peaceful foothills of Colorado -- that I had lost all my worked-in-a-detention-center credibility.  I wondered aloud why they let a young kid like me take on this much responsibility anyway.

And Gene totally blew it.

"Kate, it doesn't matter if you're 31 or 46.  Scary is scary."

Great.  Thanks a lot for the reassurance.

Yet here I sit, just 24 hours later, peaceful as I reflect on his words.  He wasn't telling me to panic.  He was saying my feelings were valid.  He wasn't saying this was a disaster.  He was saying I was right to take this seriously.  And he was saying it was going to be ok.

So today I'm grateful for Gene for saying the right wrong thing, every time.

Gratitude Day 6 - Simple Things

Tonight I am so grateful for clean sheets, feather pillows, and possibility.

Gratitude Day 5 - The Power of Prayer

A year ago I didn't talk about prayer.  I wasn't sure if I believed in anything beyond the science that I used to teach.  And last January, suddenly, prayer came back into my life.  And it is everything.

One of my students went missing on Saturday night.  I don't think I've ever prayed so hard.  And I asked people to pray with me.  I even asked my boss to pray.  My mom mustered up the courage to tip toe back into prayer.

After two awful days and nights, she was able to make it home early this morning.  Tonight when I brought dinner to her family, the first thing she asked about was whether she had homework and her midterm grades.  What a kid.

Mariah is home because we prayed -- because we had faith that in this case, peace and love would triumph.  I'm so grateful for that.

Gratitude Day 4 - Running (and the community that comes with it)

So.  Today was a pretty shitty day.  A large school district who shall remain nameless got all up in our kool-aid when they didn't know the flavor.  I am having the worst allergy attack of my life.  One of my students has been missing since Saturday.  Ok, I know.  One of those really puts the other two in perspective.  And it was a shitty day.

Anyway, I got home at 4:30 (a record) and it was still light out.  I was in a foul mood and knew I needed to get some exercise.  So I put on my running shoes and headed out the door.

Here's the thing.  You can not feel bad when you're running!  Ok.  Let me rephrase that.  You can definitely feel physical pain, and like you want to curl up in a ball and have someone carry you home.  What you can't feel is grumpy.  There are no foul moods in running!  The adrenaline and distraction caused by the heavy breathing and left over muscle soreness from the body pump class you overdid on Saturday get your mind off the foulness at the beginning.  And then you feel like such a badass, it's like "Hey, shitty day.  You ain't got nothing on me.  I'm running a FOURTEEN MINUTE MILE!!!"  Wait.  Did I just say that out loud?

More important than the running, though, are the running friends I've made since I started running in March of 2010.  They are broken down into two amazing groups.

Group 1: The Maya Angelou Academy Running Club -- Matt, Julie, Chelsea, Leah, and occasional other guests

Why they are special: Whiskey "water" stops on the bridge, creepy runs around the razor wire, deer sightings, doing the hills, and running out the massive nest of feelings that comes with working with incarcerated kids.  This was the group that took me from 5k to marathon, that kept my training up during the week, that always remembered kleenex for me when my nose started bleeding 5 runs in a row, and that pushed me from lily pad to lily pad.

Group 2: Team In Training -- Coach John, Coach Kristin, Dania, Mary, Jen, Joe Funk, and more

Why they are special: Well, they have to be special if I get up at 7:00 on Saturday mornings to run for over 3 hours.  Seeing their smiling faces, knowing I could be wrapped up in Dania's ridiculously warm parka, and hearing their inspirational words got me through some cold, long, tough runs.  And we run for a cause -- finding a cure for blood cancers.

Today I am grateful for running and for the community that comes with it.  I haven't found my running community out in Denver yet, so please know that you guys are logging loads of imaginary miles around the lake for now.

Gratitude Day 3 - Precision Nutrition's Lean Eating Program

Anyone who has known me more than five minutes knows that my weight has been a lifelong struggle.  I always joke that Kelly and Rebecca got the thin and pretty genes, and I got the fat, sweaty genes.  Now, my self-esteem has come a long way over the last 5 or so years, so that even though my weight fluctuates by about 30 pounds every couple of years, I'm pretty happy with myself and find myself beautiful and valuable.

My most recent weight gain (beginning when I was done training for the triathlon in 2011 and continuing through my marathon training, my move to Colorado, a rough breakup, and a knee injury) has done more than make me cringe at what I see in the mirror and have to do creative acrobatics to fit into my largest pants.  It took me away from running and made me feel like crap.

So this July I decided to do something about it.  I joined an online weight loss health coaching program called Lean Eating.  My old rugby teammate Brummer. did the program a year ago and kicked so much ass at it that she won a cash prize at the end.  More importantly, she forever changed how she took care of her body.  So with her support, I enrolled.

What I love the most about LE is that it takes life change one baby step at a time.  Every two weeks you get a new habit.  The habits range from basic (take a probiotic and fish oil every day), to emotionally complicated (eat slowly, eat until you're 80% full).  But each one is bite size enough that it is easy to follow.  In addition to the habits, they tell you how to work out, and give you the flexibility to adapt the workouts.  For example, I like running and doing Body Pump classes, so I've done those on workout days instead of the prescribed workouts.

And people!  The results!  I've lost 16 pounds and 14 inches since July.  Not super speedy, but pretty incredible.  They also have you take photos every month or so.  I finally got my awesome cousin Jenny to take my most recent set of pictures, and holy crap!  I'm slimming down!

The best part of the program, though, is the personal coaching support from Coach Denise!  She is available by e-mail, phone, face time, skype, etc.  She is ridiculously fast at responding to questions, and notices when you haven't signed in and logged your habits and workouts lately.  Then she calls you and listens to you cry in frustration, and tells you to get back on it the way you started -- a little bit at a time.

I feel so much better.  I can run two miles without stopping again.  My pants fit.  I love vegetables.

So thanks, LE, for reminding me that when I take care of myself, I'm better.

Gratitude Day 2 - Facebook (No, seriously.)

Ok.  Before you decide that I'm a shallow human being who lives my life through propaganda of other peoples' lives on facebook, please hear me out.

Here is a text message exchange from today:

Now, you're probably thinking, that's not even a funny message, it sounds kind of painful.  Plus aren't you just thankful for text messages?

No.  And here's why.  Annie was my SCUBA teacher when I was 15.  She introduced me to the beauty and magic of breathing underwater.  She showed me sharks and coral and the most beautiful blue tropical water I have ever seen.  And when I broke my leg in college, she called me up and told me about her recent health scare and told me I would be ok.  And when I met up with her in San Francisco three summers ago, she took me to fun places and didn't laugh too hard when I injured myself on a slide.

Oh.  So you're grateful for Annie?

Yes.  And also facebook.  Because without facebook, Annie would have just been another memory.  We would have slowly stopped writing each other letters, moved on in our studies and our careers and our lives.  And we would probably never have reconnected because we wouldn't know where we moved, or what we were interested in, or how hilarious we still were.

And facebook hasn't just kept me in touch with Annie.  My old camp counselor Rachel and I trade groans and motivational words about our running adventures.  I'm up to date on Henry's life even though he's horrible at staying in touch.  I've built a stronger friendship with Melissa through our discussions about Brandi Carlile.  And I've been exposed to Samir's gorgeous musical talents by downloading the recent recordings he shares.  And babies.  Jeez I've seen a lot of adorable babies.  Plus I've seen my mom and dad learn about emoticons, hashtags, and likes.  Truly a beautiful thing.

So thank you, Facebook, for helping me connect with folks from my past and present, and for violating my privacy in all the right ways.

Gratitude Day 1 - Amanda (Duh.)

Well, it has been a MINUTE since I last blogged.  Ok, well, it has been almost two years.  Time to get back at it.

The month of November is a month of thankfulness, and thanks to the people behind Kid President, we all know that showing gratitude can increase happiness.  So, each day in November, I will blog about gratitude.  I will find something or someone, old or new, to be thankful for.  And you'll read about it here.  Who knows...it just might be you!

November 1st: I'm thankful for Amanda Hollander.  Amanda is my best friend in the world.  It sort of happened by accident.  We went on a boat together for a long time and ended up on the same watch.  We spent hours in the darkness sipping on cocoa and watching for (and sometimes not seeing) giant cruise ships.  We wrote letters for years to one another, and maintained a casual pen-pal existence.  And then one day we met up in New York (over 5 years since the last time we had seen one another), and slowly our minds and our hearts and our decision making ability became one.

Amanda does big things.  She arrived in DC from Maine in a flash when I was in the hospital in 2010.  She stayed with me for a few days, managed family communication, and made inappropriate jokes a little too soon.  Amanda does little things.  When I complain about the ticking of my biological clock, she says things like, "Going out on dates with a bunch of wrong people isn't doing your uterus any good either."  And when I don't call her for a few weeks because I'm trying to be tough and deal with things on my own and pretend I'm not sad, she knows it, and she calls and calls and calls until we talk, and loves me even though she can't understand what I'm saying because I am laugh-crying too hard.

I don't know what took us so long to figure out we were meant to be best friends.  I'm just so grateful we did.

And of course, I can't be thankful for Amanda without expressing my gratitude for Toby and Lucky, her incredible, hilarious, hippie, wood burning stove, 30-year-old-guitar-playing, composting, lobster-roll-eating, gay-loving, activist parents.  And Katy, her gorgeous, brilliant, funny, crafty wife.  Thank you guys for giving me and sharing with me my best friend.